An abbreviated tale of two hours wasted time.
1. Ask @simplychrista to do it. The printer is connected to her computer, after all.
2. She hunts for drivers for Windows 7. Downloads them and follows instructions to use the Vista drivers in compatibility mode. Easy.
3. ….. except they don’t work. Printer installs, but when she tries to print, is told printer is not installed. But it’s RIGHT THERE in the Printers box!
4. Much swearing. Not by me. Not yet.
5. Further investigation, correct (ie, working) drivers for Windows 7 will be available “in a few weeks”. So much for that. More on that particular problem, here.
6. Plug printer into my aged and mostly broken laptop.
7. Go to lexmark.com, click download, search for x2350 and snarf drivers for XP. This part was actually pretty pleasant and works as expected.
8. Double-click on cjb2300EN.exe, click the annoying-as-hell YES I DID DAMN WELL MEAN TO DO THAT YOU STUPID EFFING WINDOWS “security” dialog box that XP pops up whenever I click on an .exe what wasn’t made by Microsoft. And yes, I’ve tried everything to turn it off. And no, nothing worked.
9. Nothing happens.
10. Double-click it again. Confirm again. Still nothing happens.
11. CTRL-ALT-DELETE to check Task Manager. Nope. No installers there.
12. Figure it might be a corrupt .exe file. Redownload.
13. Double-click. Same again. Fuck you, Lexmark. All I want is to print ONE DAMN LETTER.
14. Might be a corrupt file on Lexmark’s site. Find another source, re-download. Different file-size. That’s promising.
15. Double-clickerty click. Nothing. Triple-clickety click. Still nothing. Hit the left mouse button until my thumb bleeds. Still nothing.
16. Right-click the .exe file and extract it after @simplychrista suggests it might be a self-extracting archive. It is, and it works. Because yeah, extracting .exe files is of course what you do.
17. Click on Printers and Faxes. Add new printer.
18. Tell Windows to look in the shiny nice new drivers folder. 100Mb of cruft later, I haz printer driver. Huzzah!
19. No, I don’t want an alignment page.
20. No, I don’t want a test page either. You feckers charge enough money for ink as it is without making me print more than I want.
21. NO I DON’T WANT AN ALIGNMENT PAGE, ok?
22. Open the letter. Print.
23. Pull papers from back of printer where it’s being chewed up by the Angry Printer Monster. It doesn’t stand a chance against the Angry Computer User. Not at all.
24. Re-feed paper.
25. Prints. Success.
26. Write tweet saying how much you hate printers. 140 characters isn’t enough room for all the hate, seriously.