For the past three months a Gillette Fusion has sat unused in our bathroom cupboard. Partly that’s because I’ve been using good old fashioned Bic razors just as nature intended, but mostly it’s because I had a deep-rooted hatred of Gillette’s advertising campaign.
Y’see, Gillette adverts fall into that category I call “lying to us”. They make it look like what the company do isn’t stick bits of sharp metal into bits of plastic all day long, but in fact invent cold fusion, run manned missions to Mars and generally act like they’re NASA with a bigger budget and cooler colour scheme. It’s something far too many “personal hygeine” companies fall into, and I Do Not Approve. After all, what’s the point of us telling our kids it’s wrong to lie when 15 minutes’ worth of adverts tell them the direct opposite? If I was King of the Universe, I’d pass an Absolute Truth In Advertising Law. “McDonalds: I’m Lovin’ It”. No, I’m not. Next!
But anyhow. Back to Gillette.
Today, for a change, I picked up that Gillette Fusion razor while showering. Best. Fucking. Shave. Ever.
I was wrong, and by now probably 80% of male readers (and a fair percentage of women too) are laughing at me for being so dumb and stupid all this time. Go ahead. I can take it. I’m a convert. Gillette are super-scientists who should be running NASA because of their leet putting-metal-into-plastic skillz. Their advert is pure, 100% true.
Damn you, Gillette.
(Incidentally, if anyone from Gillette feels the urge to send a few packs of blades my way, mail me! Thanks!)